Thursday, June 29, 2006
~
A Word To the Wise:
Don't ask someone who despises you - to make and then serve you coffee.
Terrible idea.
Additionally, if you never hear from me again, I was raped, further defiled and killed (uhm... I guess the order is negotiable and irrelevant) by the scrubbiest, scabbiest moving man and his name is Abdullah. According to the leering and highy creepy Abdullah, I am fine. Very fine. And I look hot today - as opposed to all the other days (that he never ever saw me before).
Uhm... well that's just great. I'm a dead girl walking. Yikes!Labels: random
4:15 PM
Sunday, June 25, 2006
~
Oy:
       
If there is a brain in my head (at this stage in the game, it is still a worthy question) I will stop watching Israeli men in movies and on tv like... immediately. Either that, or just get it over with and buy my El-Al ticket already.
In other news; Walk on Water is a damn fine movie.Labels: men
3:04 PM
Thursday, June 22, 2006
~
Because I’m a Little Bit An Asshole Sometimes:
Not only do I almost never answer my cell phone, but it’s even rarer that I return a message. It’s not just you, it’s everyone. Pretty much.
I arrive to work late. Every single morning. Unrepentant.
I’ll sometimes not ask my friends the questions I know I should. Usually it’s because I don’t know what in the world I’d say in response. The other times it is because my raging narcissism prevents me from even contemplating anyone else.
I let the snooze on my alarm go off endlessly. Roommates (one younger brother) be damned (as well he should be).
I yell at the elderly.
I forget to thank my father for slipping me a snippet of cash, on Father’s Day no less.
I tell my boss that our accountant isn’t returning my calls. I haven’t called him aside from once, a week ago, when I knew he wouldn’t be in the office. I don’t like our accountant very much.
Feel free to add your own theories. I'm sure you have a few of your own.
And just for a slight counter-mention – this morning, the Salvation Army did come to my apartment to retrieve 9 Duane Reade shopping bags full of neat and clean clothes. Ralph Lauren, Inc., Joan Vass, Donna Karan, Calvin Klein, Jones New York… you name it. I just gave it away. To people I don’t even know.
See? Not pure evil. Just a little undiluted.Labels: about me, assholes
10:33 PM
Monday, June 12, 2006
~
No Sex in The City:
Thursday morning I was on the bus when it hit me.
As I am the oldest, there is no motherfucking shot in hell that my older sister and her husband will die in a fiery car crash (or uhm… whatever) leaving me their adorable 2 or 3 kids to raise a la Raising Helen. And I thought; well that settles it, I am NEVER going to have kids. Crap. And before you suggest something silly like: Ari, just go meet a great guy and DO IT, I will tell you this, it ain’t happening. Not at this rate it isn’t. There are NO guys out there. Well, let me amend that, there are NO guys out there for me to date, introduce to the family, get engaged to, marry and procreate with. There aren’t, believe me.
Now, if I wanted to get laid? No problem, I could get that squared away in about 5 minutes. But there’s another small issue I haven’t shared with you. Yet. Here it is; I’m totally not sexually driven right now. And when I say “right now”, I mean for the past three months through today and continuing into the foreseeable future. I have no desire to be touched. None. And lately even the idea of it is more of a turn off then anything. I read an article today which stated that an untold side effect of the pill is a significant drop in libido. I attest. But I know my reluctance is also a side effect of surgery, and a dearth of interesting men.
It’s weird, (but then again, so am I) – I honestly think I need to believe in a guy now before I get remotely physical. I can’t be bothered right now unless I genuinely feel that the guy himself is to be believed in. It sounds strange, maybe. I understand. And as I explained to a friend the other day, I’d rather tend to myself then deal with a guy and all that he comes with. I don’t want to traverse multiple states, I don’t want to worry if someone’s girlfriend is home waiting for them, I don’t want to fake another orgasm, I don’t want to wait by the phone (not that I’m big on that anyway). I don’t want to do a single thing but be with someone who wants to be with me. I like to live a grandiose life, what can I say.Labels: about me, men
3:39 PM
|
|
